I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
