Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
