You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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