My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
