You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
