you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
