one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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