I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Alive.
So much puke
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
