can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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