I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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