I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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