i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
