Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drake has all the answers
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
