make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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