Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
COCAINE IS GR8
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