i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
