Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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