You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
