She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
