How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize