I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
