D3 body, D1 cock
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize