Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
