he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
