Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
