I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
