Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
