I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
