Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
