go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
