I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
as a side note pls kill me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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