If that was your dad, he is hot
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
