We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
