Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
