In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
