Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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