The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
