So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
