feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
