I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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