dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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