oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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