Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates

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  (978): If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates http://tfl.nu/qzzm
  Replies (28) Good night (4079) Bad night (760)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.

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  (573): my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake. http://tfl.nu/nq7t
  Replies (49) Good night (2321) Bad night (4632)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?

  (954): View more from Florida

  Why wouldn't there be.

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  (704): Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower? (954): Why wouldn't there be. http://tfl.nu/wwnv
  Replies (28) Good night (7783) Bad night (929)
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  (909): View more from California

  Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.

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  (909): Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle. http://tfl.nu/fgdn
  Replies (16) Good night (4584) Bad night (895)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.

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  (407): mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad. http://tfl.nu/ifx0
  Replies (18) Good night (4222) Bad night (658)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.

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  (740): While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day. http://tfl.nu/7t04
  Replies (37) Good night (6151) Bad night (1798)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good

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  (413): well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good http://tfl.nu/4dfc
  Replies (17) Good night (3738) Bad night (1970)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard

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  (361): When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard http://tfl.nu/jjpz
  Replies (7) Good night (935) Bad night (2792)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife

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  (802): he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife http://tfl.nu/h9mg
  Replies (9) Good night (2462) Bad night (1720)
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  (+49): View more from Germany

  In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?

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  (+49): In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life? http://tfl.nu/2p4e
  Replies (2) Good night (1462) Bad night (1587)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING

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  (780): let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING http://tfl.nu/vf6d
  Replies (7) Good night (2151) Bad night (736)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.

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  (520): Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks. http://tfl.nu/j1xw
  Replies (4) Good night (812) Bad night (1027)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."

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  (425): I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those." http://tfl.nu/wwy7
  Replies (1) Good night (1080) Bad night (331)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"

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  (713): If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in" http://tfl.nu/euzu
  Replies (8) Good night (627) Bad night (341)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.

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  (306): when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future. http://tfl.nu/kqh5
  Replies (4) Good night (1279) Bad night (230)

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