Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  how can u be prego again

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  (330): how can u be prego again http://tfl.nu/bj1u
  Replies (2) Good night (709) Bad night (1678)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.

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  (401): Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name. http://tfl.nu/4teg
  Replies (13) Good night (6404) Bad night (2235)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.

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  (651): If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches. http://tfl.nu/ldak
  Replies (13) Good night (1294) Bad night (2415)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?

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  (973): You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you? http://tfl.nu/qnfr
  Replies (3) Good night (1456) Bad night (574)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick

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  (484): Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick http://tfl.nu/a0s8
  Replies (6) Good night (786) Bad night (2109)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge

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  (859): heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge http://tfl.nu/k74f
  Replies (13) Good night (3474) Bad night (545)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.

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  (518): He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary. http://tfl.nu/x9c1
  Replies (10) Good night (1515) Bad night (754)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.

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  (917): hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog. http://tfl.nu/99w0
  Replies (9) Good night (1952) Bad night (654)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded

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  (904): Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded http://tfl.nu/j9mq
  Replies (2) Good night (971) Bad night (526)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.

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  (806): There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night. http://tfl.nu/26q0
  Replies (4) Good night (459) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room

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  (412): Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room http://tfl.nu/5tlt
  Replies (3) Good night (776) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family

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  (413): Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker" (1-413): I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family http://tfl.nu/b85j
  Replies (7) Good night (2180) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I reek of latex and grilled onions.

  (626): View more from California

  Mission accomplished.

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  (626): I reek of latex and grilled onions. (626): Mission accomplished. http://tfl.nu/k1oy
  Replies (4) Good night (668) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.

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  (720): Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy. http://tfl.nu/nimg
  Replies (2) Good night (814) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE

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  (803): Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE http://tfl.nu/rt74
  Replies (13) Good night (401) Bad night (1079)

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