I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
