"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
