wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
