: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
