the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
