CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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