Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
