If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
