im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
