Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
