i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
