maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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