as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
