Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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