never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
