Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
