She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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