it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
