He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
