OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
