beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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