Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
