We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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