did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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