Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
